What sucks is when the one hitter is clogged and you're standing there in the bathroom with the fire from your Bic lighter burning your thumb as you try to suck on the metal tube with no success but you try and you try because sometimes it suddenly gives in and a bunch of tar and ash takes off like a bullet to your tonsils giving you a sore throat but this time you just suck and suck until your chest hurts so you take the cotton off the ends of a Q-tip and try to push it through like a lollipop stick but this impacts the resin more and now you have a piece of Q-tip stuck up there too so you search your entire apartment cursing because you're a writer and who has ever heard of a writer without a metal paperclip so you take the ink tube out of your Bic pen and try to stick that up in there but it is simply too large and meanwhile you haven't noticed that during all the desperate searching the wood box has tipped over and your pot is now spilled on the bathroom floor and it is contaminated with dust and mildew and pubic hairs and suddenly you remember that you once had a paperclip a long long time ago at your old apartment so you drag all the cardboard boxes out of the closet and start searching and damn if you don't find it in the Stoli box sealed by duct tape in a plastic zip lock bag with the staples and thumb tacks a nice strong silver paperclip that you unbend so that it becomes a somewhat straight metal wire and clenching your teeth and with some wrist action you manage to push the black sticky goo out of your one hitter and then you notice your shit is spilled all over the place and you think that sucks man that really fucking sucks but then you stop and you think that doesn't suck what really sucks is when your dick won't get hard after you spend a bunch of money seducing some skank at a bar and this time it worked catching you off guard because you actually seduced some skank at a bar and there you are bringing some skank to your home and it dawns upon you during the entire time at the bar your dick didn't stir and you know it's not going to get hard soon and you don't even know why you picked her up because judging by the reaction of your cock you don't even like the ugly skank but it was some kind of personal challenge to you so you ignored your dick and now what are you going to do because she smells like cheap perfume and she's going to stink up your crib and you don't even have any Viagra for a precious moment like this because it's fifteen dollars a hit and there's no such thing as a prescription for one so you are going to go through an embarrassing ritual during which you pretend you are turned on and you will get naked and you will even go as far as to mount her only to have it dangle there about the size of your thumb but as firm as a leaky water balloon and even though you know this is true you are going to do it anyway because you don't have the balls to tell her that you think she's a skank because you picked her up so easily and if you picked her up so easily then a lot of other guys probably pick her up so easily and you want to ask her if she has any diseases but you don't know how to go about it and she's insulting you with every sour whiskey and cigarette breath but you're kissing her anyway and gee wouldn't it be cool if she just wanted to play Xbox or something but she pulls up her shirt and out plops her big fat tits with giant wrinkled nipples the size of flying saucers and you start sucking on them like a kid forced to eat brocoli and then she starts undoing her jeans and you think you hear her fart and you start undoing your jeans huffing and puffing and then like a rerun you take your limp little prick in your fist and try to force it into her big wet hole and your fist penetrates but your prick does not and you wonder if she's heard of the Bic Soleil so you claim you are too drunk as you nonchalantly wipe your hand against the sheet and you claim it has never happened before and there is a long uncomfortable silence during which you both lie naked in bed and you wonder how you can smell your hand without it being obvious and she says it is ok as she stares at the ceiling and pats you on the leg and you act like your nose itches and you find out that your hand smells like shit and she says she thinks you're a nice guy as she gets dressed though you're pretty sure she thinks you're a big fucking loser who wasted her time and you sincerely apologize to some skank for not shoving a hard cock up her cunt and you half expect her to ask you for money as you show her the door and then you are alone and you feel inadequate and after you wash your hands and hold your dick under the running water you reach for the one hitter not knowing that it is clogged that's what really fucking sucks.
subscribe
to our feed!
