It's my own dumb fault for carrying my wallet in the back pocket of my backpack. It's my even dumber fault for carrying my Social Security card in my wallet. So I can't exactly fault the woman who assumed my identity and used it to open up a bunch of credit cards in my name. Mind you, I don't think it's okay that she did that--stealing is still illegal down among the proles, as well it should be. But the perp is not the sole source of this whole mishegoss. And while it doesn't excuse her crime, I would hazard a guess that the $1K watch she charged on that fraudulent account is going straight to her veins. Why else would she bother? Simply put, the girl needs help.

So here's the deal: About a century ago, a fellow named Frederick Winslow Taylor came up with his theories of "scientific management" and the idea that workers (as opposed to managers, who perhaps manage never to actually work) are inherently shiftless, lazy bastards who, without constant supervision and browbeating, would be stealing office supplies and letting the conveyor belt run itself silly a la the chocolate episode of "I Love Lucy." Turn your workers into shapeless automatons, however, and you’ll increase productivity. A novel idea, except, of course, when you’re required, on command, to “think outside the box.”